The Polish-American Journal records how crescent pastries, bagels, and coffee shops were invented. An Islamofascist horde of Turks and allied Crimean Tartars were besieging Vienna when, on 12 September 1683, they were counterattacked by a European army under the command of the Polish King, John Sobieski. "The Moslem troops panicked at the sound and fury of the heavy mounted, winged Polish Hussars' avalanche, and frantically fled off the field of battle."

Adam Zamoyski's The Polish Way adds, "Then the Husaria broke into a wild gallop and the heavy mass of men and horses cascaded over the Turkish ranks, bowling over the first, slicing through the second… The Grand Vizir leapt on to a horse and made his own escape moments before the winged riders thundered up to the tent and the banner was struck." He adds that the Crimean Horde fled without striking a single blow when it saw the Polish armored cavalry; I guess the Tartars didn't want to meet their 72 virgins that day.

The Polish-American Journal continues,

The spoils of war— the booty— were divided amongst the victors. But the [captured] bags of coffee beans were strange items to the Viennese. While coffee was already known in England, Marseilles and Paris, it was unfamiliar to most of continental Europe.

The grateful Viennese presented Kulczycki with a house in the Inner Stadt, the inner city or Old Town. Here the enterprising Pole established the first coffee house in Central Europe. ...Kulczycki also created an appropriately designed piece of pastry which he served with this new intoxicating brew.

This first pastry he made was in the form of the Turkish crescent, or half moon, a symbol on the [captured] Turkish banners. Legend also claims it was based on the form of the jeweled stirrups of the Polish King's saddle. [Actually, Sobieski captured a jeweled stirrup from the Turkish commander, Kara Mustafa, as the latter fled the field in terror.] The pastry design eventually evolved into other molds, one of which is the present round, hard-glazed doughnut shaped roll, known as the bagel.

So every time Hitler in a Headscarf goes into a Starbucks (maybe someone should open a Sobieskibucks) or bites into a crescent pastry or a bagel, he should remember that all these things came into Western culture and cuisine because of one of the most humiliating and disgraceful beatings that was ever delivered to the Islamic world.